I ran away.

I wondered what it felt to be completing something I started. I wondered how everything would turn out only if I completed it. I thought leaving events like they are and then continuing my said life would turn out great. I thought I could continue the way I was travelling and ease my way out. And block whatever was coming in, be it good or bad. Mostly bad. Okay, all bad. In short, I was running away. Running away from all the evil I thought.

In 2015, I started a relation I knew I wasn’t up for. I knew I was holding it as a rebound thing. But later I got into it. I started falling in and suddenly succumbed to it. But good cannot happen to a person for long. I also succumbed to over-thinking. I left that person and blocked from every place possible, thinking that I do not need to see or need that person. I blocked everything related. And I set myself free. Or so I thought. I started running.

Now if I think how I got that habit, I think it was from childhood. I used to steal money from my mom’s purse and never tell her. I used to pretend I have all the luxuries a person can have. I used to steal and never tell her, only to run away from her scoldings. That’s where my running away began. I think it all started there and everything is catching up to me. Whoever I blocked, to run away from their torment and from hearing their pain, was all catching up to me. Suddenly I was put up in the same shoes, the same situation I put everybody in. Suddenly someone else was running away. I think my life is scaffolding the past in front of me and I am falling short of words. I am fearing. I think there is still time and I need to run away again. But this time from running away.