New TV

I cannot remember if it was morning or noon or evening or night. There was bright light in the room. A room with two beds. One single bed on the left side and one double bed placed in the centre. I was sitting on the smaller bed in one corner. My sister was not around and my father was there sitting in the room.

I guess he was sitting on one side of the bed watching TV or maybe reading a newspaper. It’s all a blur. And it was around 3–6 PM, I am just guessing. My mom comes back from school where she teaches Math to the girls. She entered the room and she had the biggest brown box in her hands I had ever seen.

She had brought a new TV for us and I was very excited. I jumped out of excitement. And suddenly I started hearing shouting and scolding. My father was angry at my mom for buying a new TV and spending that much of her money when we already had a TV. I guess we needed a TV. My father came close to my mom and slapped her out of anger. He was jobless and wanted money for himself. And again started shouting.

And I was there. I was watching all of this. I did not know what to do. I was so small and young. I could not hit him. I was maybe 4–6 years old. But I vividly remember that I saw all of that. I was angry and could not do anything about it. I wanted to cry badly. I just did not know what to tell them that I why I was crying.

I banged my head on the wall next to me so that I get a reason to cry. I started crying and I do not remember anything after that.

My mom is very strong. She bore all of this all alone and we both, my sister and I could not do anything because we could never understand then. She bore all of that for us. She could not have fought because she was told not to fight back to the husband. I guess she could have easily ended all of her pains easily. But we both were very important for her than that evil person.

He destroyed so many lives and scarred us for life. He destroyed a perfect family and never understood what a family means. He was a father. But not mine.

My mother became my father too. I have inherited too many habits from her. She is really beautiful and such a good dancer. She is really a great mom. Only recently has she been able to live freely. My sister and I have been very supportive of our mother and love her more than anything in the world.

Mom, if I cannot say this to your face, I am saying this in writing that I am heavily indebted to you for bringing me to life and raising me to be like this. To support us in any way you can, that really means something.

Thank you.
I love you.